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Literature by Catgirl19

Writing by Alaalooe

Literature by Lilithmae1231

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Submitted on
October 3, 2013
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1.1 KB


673 (3 today)
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I lie alone and cold at night,
The burning candle's dimming light
A gentle sight here in the dark,
I wait for yet another spark.

A light as bright as my love for you,
A light so gentle, pure, and true.
A light that might guide you here to me.
I wait alone and hope you'll see.

But you're far, far and gone.
Still I wait for your return.
I need you here close by my side.
I need somewhere to run and hide.

The world is against me and I am alone.
Without you here I have no home.
Please see this light and hear my plea.
Oh please, my love, come back to me.

Come back and hold me in your arms.
Keep me safe from every harm.
And when the darkness has all passed,
You will stay here, home at last.

The candle's light is nearly gone,
And I fear my life is almost done.
But you'll return before the end,
My long true love, my lasting friend.
I've been listening to a lot of poetry about love, and I sort of wrote something of my own. I really don't do much rhyming poetry, but this one is and I am proud of it.

I am very very well aware that I have become a hopeless romantic within the last year or so, and you know what? I love every moment of it, despite how emotional I may be at times or how many times I will just break down crying. Love is what I will live for, will fight for, will die for. I've been hurt a lot by what people say. I have been all my life. But love is what has kept me going this far, and love will keep me going. Love goes beyond words and beyond actions.

I hope that someday I find someone who shares my love, who I can love, and who loves me. I know that this person is out there somewhere, and that we will find each other at the right time. I pray for him all the time, even though the chances of me knowing him now are very few.

~ if you like this please add it to your favorites :heart: ~

I do always appreciate comments :love:
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This is very good and in fact great! :D I love the way you mad every last word rhyme with the next last word like alone, home, plea, and me. The vision this gives me is amazing and is very original and the technique very very well done you should write rhyming poems more :la: It also has a strong impact on me as i have experienced/experiencing this now waiting for a lover when i know i should not be, for my candle light is burning out and i'm missing opportunities. :iconiloveitplz: once again very well done keep up the good work! :aww:
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1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

This was a beautifully executed poem; the rhyme scheme and rhythm really help the reader to follow through the images and accompanies the tone of the meaning nicely. I will mention, however, that in the fourth stanza the rhythm seemed to shift and become a little less interesting. For me, the writing went from being rhythmic and dynamic to flat and droning for that stanza, but then after that it was right back to intriguing rises and falls in the rhythm, and the rhyme sounds emphasized that.

I do feel there were points where the punctuation could be adjusted to better suit the words. For example, I feel the comma at the end of the third line should be replaced by a colon or semi-colon because the first three lines are their own clause, and the fourth is its own. Something similar could be said in the second paragraph, where I would connect the first three lines with only commas, ending that third line with another colon or semi-colon to help draw all those images together. There are a few other places where I would suggest reviewing the punctuation, but I'll leave you with those two examples and move on.

To very quickly address the originality score, this is a love poem where the speaker wants their lover back; such poems are hardly rare. They are rarely, however, as nice as this: most tend to be overly sappy and unnecessarily long. While there were parts to this that did seem redundant (particularly towards the end) and it could, perhaps, be slightly more concise, it does a good job at taking an image (the glowing candle) and moving on to how it is a metaphor (for the love between lovers) and then onto the distance between the two, and the desire to close that gap.

All in all, this is a very well done poem. It needs a little bit of work, but it far exceeds a lot of other things one comes across on this website.
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AudeS Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013
Romanticism isn't bad, aslong it doesn't come with an ill-minded nationalism (like it did in my country). Certainly, the dark romanticism here is pretty well done. It features fear, despair and solitude, only countered by the glow of a single candle. Certainly, it's how Dark Romance was done in America and England. Like the box of Pandora, which contained all evils in existence, but also hope, which is the couterpart of them all. A small piece of hope or love can prevent us from losing us into despair. SOmething, which certainly sounds nice to me.
sampea Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013
It so sad and bitter-sweet.
AshATurner Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
SkylarPage Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I LOVE YOU SISSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :heart: :heart: :heart:
AshATurner Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love you too :love:
pinkypiejr12 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
As that is the sweetest poem ever, I do some poetry too but mine is more sadish
AshATurner Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :)
my poems rang from sweet romance to dark sadness to joy or heartbreak. it really depends on my mood.
pinkypiejr12 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Generally can do a much better job with sadder poems
Lilithmae1231 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful. I love the way the words just flow so smoothly, and the imagery and emotions it evoke are quite wonderful, sad and hopeful all at once. Very good work.
AshATurner Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much :heart:
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